Part 1: Locale

 "But I don't want comfort.

I want God, I want poetry, 

I want real danger, I want freedom, 

I want goodness. I want sin.”

    - John the Savage, "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley

Ok so... maybe not the last part. I mean, I do, sometimes, but we're working on it. But the quote is actually a powerful, climactic declaration against dehumanization-- a common topic (if not the topic) of dystopian literature, that often begs the question of where our humanity begins, ends, and intersects with sin and grace. I choose to quote it here because I think I'll be touching on a lot of such grey areas as we do this exploration. In God, there is light, and the way is narrow, "but we only ever exist in the grey," my minister is fond of saying, of late. (Mostly because I am in remission from trying to put too many things into boxes). In this case, I'd like to pull some things apart to take a good look at them, before putting them back together. 

So, let's start by talking a bit about space and locality. Starting in the clouds, and working our way down. Where should one live? (Seemed to make sense to figure out where one's pin is physically dropped, vaguely, then circle back to it again, later.)

Well, when we state it that broadly, the answer is either incredibly broad (anywhere!) or simple. Can it be said that we simply belong where we are, by nature of being there? Should one aspire to other places at all, unless something in one's primary area is fundamentally lacking? I am beginning to be inclined to say yes, but only as I have come to a certain level of self-knowledge that I am no longer under the delusion that backpacking across Europe or moving to another country is going to give me answers to the questions about life I have been asking, anymore. Is it good for formative years? Is it good for people who have felt a calling or yearning that they cannot ignore? Yes. But I am past one of these, and too early for the other.  

And so... First, where is God in this?

It makes sense to build something from the ground up. And from a Christian perspective, that bedrock is God. Realistically, as we've discussed in he previous post, God is all we need, because He is where all things that sustain us come from, and we're lovingly given instruction as to how to live in such a way that allows us to build metaphorically, too, on tenets of love and respect that do not come naturally to us beings with free will. It seems to me through experience and implication that everything we endeavour to do when our will is his will, will be provided. (I will refrain from digging so deep that we have to define God first, because we don't want to have too much fun in one entry). 

However, we are also humans, who have human needs, and respond well to environmental stimuli, tangibility, and evocative art. It is how we were created, inseparable from our souls. I have already expressed my feelings, broadly, about asceticism, but after asking several people about the Kingdom this week, the consensus understanding was "something that is already in our midst, somehow overlapping and not detached from our current world." So again, when it comes to place... I am assuming that, instead of aspiring to find a more "Godly" place than where one already is (a bold statement, from someone who lives in Canada and not in a warzone), "blooming where one is planted" is the best place to start, especially if all the ingredients you think you need are already there... which I have discerned, are, in my particular case. Who is to say that one has not been called to where they are, simply because it does not seem exotic enough? Why was I dropped where I am, and not some other place?

The Question of Where:

Below I have listed some personal ideas I have been weighing, not for immediate consideration but as my future could unfold. Of course, as usual, I know nothing of my future, but I like to think at least broadly about the... texture of potential options, so that I can make better decisions when life invariably throws me curveballs. It is all, of course, specific to my own situation, but I think that generally we all have three options when we consider where we live: Into the unknown, into the known, and staying put. 

1- The Minor Unknown: Realistically, at any point, I could go wherever I wish. Most people could, if they just decided to make a priority. I'm not really a missions-abroad sort of person... Although it has occurred to me as a desired temporary experience. My heart says England, Scotland, France, or Switzerland, dreaming away of landscapes and history and weekend trips to places I've only dreamed of. And yet, I almost feel like the current socio-political state of most places would only give me a solid serving of disillusionment if I were to stay longer than, or at least before, having a visit. Moreover, the cost and effort of moving would be such that it is something I would have to save up for and feel passionate enough about, that opportunities there would need to trump the opportunities as calling I already have where I am. I am not running from or to something at this time, and my current exploration is inter-personal and theoretical, so my physical wanderlust in this respect is laying dormant.

2- The Known: I have expressed that I don't have anywhere to go back to. My hometown is miles away from even a six-figure income and I am most familiar with where I am now, comparatively. In fact, in a couple of years, I will have lived in this area nearly as long as my hometown, and I am only an hour away from a place that looks nearly identical. That said, my only close family member, several thousand kilometers away, recently expressed that I am welcome to arrange for a close-by living arrangement that would likely give me everything my heart is comfortable with: trees, affordability, a backyard, and of course, their own company. And for a few moments over a couple of days, it almost seemed like a viable option. But no... these chats made me realise what I really want, which is not to consign myself to the comfortable, but to simply have a home to go back to, to recharge, to keep living a life that includes growth and challenge which I simply would not have in that setting. Good for retirement, maybe, but I foresee myself as someone who gently tweaks their lifestyle and aligns it toward the kind of meaning that I don't want to escape from, and could feasibly do until I was simply incapable. I'm not in manual labour anymore so I will likely be able to keep doing much more than I'd anticipated, for longer, on account of not losing my knees by the time I'm forty. Anyway...

3- The Great Unknown, Going Forward: Ok so, maybe all these options are "going forward" in their own way. This is technically the "staying put" option for me. But I have opportunities that continue to open up where I am, for once. Good ones. Ones that feed my heart and soul and mind in ways that retreat or relocation simply would not, whether at this time, or indefinitely. This seems indicative of the right path, in itself. And I try not to count chickens, but there's no risk to aspiration, in this case, either. (Shoot for the moon...) The path I walk here is more challenging, but I live for it. I also already live adjacent to many beautiful areas that are simply difficult for me to access without a vehicle, but this is a temporary setback. I don't have my own property now, but it is my hope that someday I will have private living arrangements of some kind, even if it is quite modest. Ideally in a quiet place... With a view of something like trees, or lake, if I'm lucky.

Conclusion:

And so the answer is obvious, but only as I examined the other two options first: I will endeavour to bloom where I am planted... unless chased out by an angry mob. 

The question of place, balanced with the Spirit, does seem to be a lot less about where, so much as what, why, and with whom? What does it feel like to be there? Is it conducive to one's work and purpose (a prerequisite knowledge!)? I think we can all ask ourselves these same questions, one way or another. At first I stayed where I am because I had friends here, and I was trying to put down roots. It was difficult because it's not something you can do overnight even if you know what you're doing. Roots just... happen. You can cast out a net and put down some pegs, but God and time does the rest. But I also think I needed to be here for my own reasons, not for others. 

But let's not get off track... we'll touch on social stuff more later,  I feel comfortable enough here that I can move on to the next steps.