In the Midst of the Kingdom

Alright, my watcher on the wall, where should we go now? You can travel silently in my pocket, that's fine, I just don't want to be judged as a lunatic anywhere down the road, do you understand? I confess that now that I notice your presence, when I notice you are absent I wonder when or if you will come back. As a result I have had to do some thinking, and at length have decided that I would likely continue to write, but it would not be nearly as fulfilling, for various reasons that I'm sure are understandable. You will just have to deal with projection, from time to time, in absence of feedback. Are you a passer by? A spy? A magical creature? Or shall I sing to you as my Love, peering down from her tower, anon? I will try not to get too weird about it, but I make no promises.

 

Anyway, as I wander ostensibly on my own, let's start from here, I think, with carte blanche, and assume that today is a new day. The newest day since the fiery sword. What do I have at my disposal? What could the future look like if I put a pin in my life right now? If I woke up this morning and had to discover my life, what would I do?

Well thankfully, I have a lot more at my disposal than I have at various other pin-points, so it's not even bleak, it's just a matter of organization:

I realise my last entry was a bit scattered, and I am disappointed in it, but I had a lot of ideas to cover and little time to truly flesh them out. I had hoped that it would come off as more of a matter of accounting a state, rather than overly emotional, although of course it can be. But now there is a new project. Let's say.... Project: Homeward Bound. (The fact that it brings a wholesome animal adventure to mind is an added bonus.) 

Yesterday I began a sort of sketch of my state and situation on paper, like I have done many times in the past, and I think the thing that stood out to me as most different (besides the absolute turn of fate since my first attempts many years ago), was that this time it was not about reaching or aspiration in so many areas, but about shaping what has already begun to grow.

For instance, my categories often fall into: my relationship with God, friends, family, my mental/physical/emotional health, finances, career goals and leisure. I would say that they are all in a reasonable place, too (I even got a doctor, recently!). And so... It is less about repair and even growth in most areas, but again, that shaping. Not "Where am I" or "Who am I", which I now intimately, gratefully know the answers to, and not even "Where do you want to be?"-- but more like: What can I do now that moves me in a consistent way toward a life of holism with God and this world that I am here to love and steward? 

This is not a question I can answer in the few minutes before work, but it is the beginning of a new chapter, if not a new book. Only time will tell.