I am distracted by a dream I had last night that was inappropriate for this blog, and was rather unpleasant. In short, it was another arranged marriage dream, which I tend to have when I am trying to discern something about my path in waking life-- usually something regarding a choice between my heart and some feelings of duty. The groom, obviously something I would normally romanticise, is usually a symbol of the church as an institution, rather than who/what I really desire. He never fits, for one reason or another, and I am usually saved at the last minute by friends, or love, or something otherwise providential. Unfortunately, this time I was introduced to my "groom" and he was... Immature. Of age, yes, possibly in his early 20s, but for this I have no current explanation, symbolically. As we were left to each other in private, we spoke for some minutes, and I decided he was at least friendly, but I let my guard down for a moment, only to be profoundly dishonoured by something I will not write here. Suffice it to say that I was furious. I stopped speaking and turned my face away, and saw him out.
The groom was apologetic from behind the door, but I would not budge. I watched him through a window as he ran to petition to my in-dream father to beg me to change my mind. My father came and sat with me, which I remember was as we sat beside a fountain in a courtyard. He was somewhat amused, but I remember feeling that it was not at my expense. I suddenly felt sorry for my behaviour, but not ashamed of it. I prepared to stand my ground, but instead I quickly got the impression that my father had come less to speak on the groom's behalf, and more to check on me, and confirm what he had heard. He spoke gently to me, but tested my resolve. I was adamant that I would not accept the young man. My father nodded, and helped me to my feet, before leaving me to myself, and going to deal with the young man. I resumed my normal activities.
