✿ Many Meetings

Thank you for your concern, dearest reader. There is certainly some pendulum swinging going on, but I don't think any of it is off-base, it is just part of discernment. As usual, I am glad you are here. I don't want to sell short that it does make me feel less alone, even though in a practical sense I still am, so things can still get very heavy. Sometimes I wonder if I should give more warning before I write anything heavy, so I don't disrupt your day.

That said, I have settled now. There is no resolution, but I confess I did rather enjoy writing that post this morning. Later, my minister had the misfortune of asking me how I was, and somewhere after a short discernment period, between his ability to tell when I am lying, and my inability to do so convincingly, he got to listen to an equally unhinged rant. Regardless, days like this can be quite hard, and part of that is that the "doing" part I talked about last post is simply not within reach still, which is usually a comfort. Kind of like... how it can be comforting to know you're on the train, even if it's going to be a 24 hour ride, compared to sitting at the bus station waiting for an equivalent amount of time, even if the eventual ride will be shorter. Maybe I didn't have to explain that, though. 

I've had some interesting conversations the last week with an old friend and a new one, the latter of whom I hope to get into touch with again soon. We met through the gardens near my church, and it turns out we have a lot in common. I found that even as she showed up for our meeting, I envied her overalls, which I was all-too-eager to cast off last year... but only, I will say now, because the landscape maintenance I was doing was so entwined with groundskeeping and custodial work that I often felt quite annoyed by the lack of time I actually got to spend in the gardens, in addition to having to switch to snow removal and being constantly outside on ice-patrol during the winter months. However, this niche of urban planning meets horticulture in conjunction with some sort of as-yet-unformed ministry is exciting and seemingly promising, too. I have started making jokes that I'm sure my minister knows are serious, about carving out a position that might help me work with him, but remain as a free agent. 

The woman I met with, however, even hinted that there may be summer positions available in the gardens, which, in combination with a part-time job at the church, might give me the stability I need, with an obvious gap for winter projects, but we'll see where things go. She also gave me some leads as far as funding and grants through the city, and the word "placemaking" which is apparently a new sort of word I'd only heard in the fringes before, describing something close to what I am looking to do. 

The man gives a woman a house, she makes a home. God gives us the earth....

Honestly... I am very open. I feel like, no matter what I end up choosing, or what comes along, I will be ready and it will be... good. 

I am listening. At least I can do that.

...

A few other meetings or seeds were sown this week, too. One of my classmates happens to be doing a project about food scarcity, and is looking into community gardens. She was absolutely awestruck when I told her about my diploma and time as a gardener (I'll take it. Ha). We are going to meet during the Christmas break, because part of her final essay is actually going to be exploring some of the nuts and bolts that I will eventually have to research on my own, so it could be a leg up! In exchange, I can share what I know about plants, because she is very excited about that. 

My adventure to my landlord's farm did not happen, because he was quite busier than expected at the last minute, and my conversation with my old friend from school was fruitful but not in the way I'd expected. I was hoping that he would be able to tell me a bit more about how he supports himself through seminars, etc, but he ended up just coaching me on leadership, which was at least interesting. I confess that I had in some ways been hoping that his offer to help manage his farm part-time (that he offered me last year) would still be in the air, but he had found someone to fill this role. He is a sort of... mercurial creature, like myself, but unfortunately I think the Christianity thing really threw him off. I think that I need to do some further thought into this topic... Because Christianity is kind of a slur for anyone who isn't one, and I understand why. Of course, we should not shy away from our association with Christ, but what about his (unfortunately, often crazy) fan club? How does that speak to the idea of communal identity? Is there a way to facilitate connection... wordlessly, first? 

More research is needed.