◎ Some Fun Stuff

My brother has decided to move to a different city, having been offered a slightly better job there that will allow him to work semi-remotely, and while it will push back his early retirement plans, may actually end up increasing his net worth in the long run. But the real crux of this-- the thing that has him stoked, is that he will finally be in a position to get a dog. The city is also larger, he doesn't know anyone there, and he has actually decided that he is ready to start dating again. I am so happy for him. I am not sure if it sounds like a big deal, but it is. I am really hoping that it pans out well. He is at that age where he could easily be considered "mature" to a younger (naive.lol) woman and I know he would still like children.

Despite obvious other factors I am still continuing my own discernment, and sometimes my mind catches glimpses or feeling of different places I could go and "be," but I am still in a phase right now where I cannot see very far. (Keep in mind, if you could, that days feel approximately three times as long as usual right now, so my earlier posts probably seem a lot closer to you than they do to me, but I am still in that still, expectant place I was before my recent news.) This is likely a positive, or at least neutral development, and part of the regrouping process. I'm sitting here, on my twig, waiting for my wings to inflate, in no particular hurry. Maybe it's best that I don't have a vision of an "end goal" quite yet. I have too many immediate and intermediate ones. But I do have leads to practical things, and... Let's say, ghosts of feelings of what I would like my future homelife to be like...:

Cotton-silent, except, perhaps for some familiar natural sound, the ability to open the windows for fresh, clean air. There is music playing not too far away, and a beloved clock, perhaps, that only becomes apparent when the rest of the world is getting sleepy. Soft things... warm things... things that somehow rhyme with the sound of a nib on paper, the smell of something slow cooking, and the history of old, wooden spoons. Has anyone in history ever proposed with a long wooden spoon? It would work; a spoon with a bow on it. A sceptre of a different, but no less important and holy domain... Bonus points if it once belonged to someone else who kept tummies and hearts full before me.

I think that... whatever I go, and whatever I end up doing, I want there to be love there. I want to have people over, and share food and coffee or tea and stories until we're all old, so that when it's all over, we know that our lives were full of all the things that matter, and that one cannot purchase or have taken away. I want to grow food to share. I want to learn... to ferment things, and dry things. I want to live with the seasons, rise with the sun, and sleep safe in someone's arms. I want to be a place where people feel safe, but challenged, and I want to pray to God like He's sitting beside me and never doubt it for a moment. 

These things make my heart feel stretched out like a balloon.... I feel like that means they are good things. That's not... scriptural or scientific, and it might sound like a concerning medical condition, but it feels right. I can't really put more of a pin in it than that, though. It remains... A sort of ethereal cloud of conditions I hope to some day experience. 

I can do it... I can keep working, keep hoping, and keep growing. I don't think it's a lot, and somehow it would also be everything. Whatever will be, will be.